Sunday, May 12, 2013

Mother's Day

Mother’s Day has never been one of my favorite days.  Many of the almost 13 years I’ve been a mom have been shrouded by the dark cloud of depression and anxiety.  I’ve messed up.  A lot.  Certainly, Mother’s Day was only for the Good Moms…the ones who had endless patience with their kids, who kept spotless homes and cooked yummy meals every night, who volunteered at the school (or even better, homeschooled!), whose kids never missed homework assignments, and who never yelled, no matter how stressed they were.   A little voice would shoot daggers into my heart – “You’re not good enough.  Remember that one time?  Your kids will never love/respect/appreciate you.  You can’t do anything right.  You are a loser.”   Many Mother’s Days, even including this very one, I would anticipate the day with dread.  I would see or hear my mom friends talk about the thoughtful gifts and cards their husbands and kids got them, and I’d instantly become bitter and envious.  Sure, my husband and kids gave me gifts and cards, but it was because they HAD TO, right?
Last year, I met a new friend though a Thirty-One party I did.  She ended up hosting her own party after that, so I got to know her a little better.  In January, she began blogging, and invited me to join her Facebook group.  I joined, and I scanned her first blog post, but didn’t engage much after that.  I kept feeling a pull to read her posts, but just couldn’t do it, and didn’t understand why.  Last night, it dawned on me.  The name of her blog?  You’re A Good Mom. 
As polar-opposite of a good mom I felt, I decided to go back to her first entry last night and read it again.  As I did, tears started streaming down my face.  Here, in part, is what broke through my heart:
"You're a Good Mom.  Because you need to hear it.  Because I need to hear it.  Because we all need to believe it...of ourselves, and of each other.

I figure that whenever you visit this page, at the very least you will read that title and know those four little words were meant for YOU in that moment...

YOU are a good mom.  

No matter where you are, what you are doing, how you are feeling...

You ARE a good mom.  

No matter what the day has held or the future may hold...

You are a GOOD mom."
We live in a culture that is SO competitive when it comes to mothering.  We need to stop it.  We will not do everything the same.  We will not do everything right.  We will make mistakes and we will start over and do the best we can.  (I am totally preaching to myself here, by the way!).  Will you do a favor for me?  This week, find one mom that you can encourage with the words, You’re A Good Mom.  Text it, Facebook it, email it, tweet it, SAY IT.  You may be the only one she hears it from. 
Carrie, thank you (again) for your words to me in that first blog post.  You didn't know the difference it would make five months down the road to this weary mama, but you are a blessing. 
And the rest of you, check out her blog...good stuff there!  :)