Sunday, November 7, 2010

Am I losing my voice?

As you might remember, I injured my jaw in June. For years I've had some issues with my TMJ, lots of popping and clicking. Sometimes it would pop out of place with a yawn, and I'd work it back in right away. Well, on this particular day in June, I yawned, it popped, but I couldn't get it back in place. I tried for hours, off and on, but nothing worked. After talking to my dentist (my former boss), and trying a couple different maneuvers, I went to the ER. The dr. there referred me to an oral surgeon. After a consultation, I decided to forgo the surgery and try a natural approach first. I've been wearing an orthotic appliance for a couple of months, and it's definitely helped with the pain. I have more opening ability, but still cannot open far. It's a huge challenge to eat sometimes, and now there is a new complication. I can't sing. Well, I can sing, but I can't SING.
Those of you that know me well know that singing is a huge part of my life. I have loved music since I was little. I have been part of our church's choir for several years, taking brief breaks when babies were born, and during the darkest parts of my depression. When we started back up again this fall, I was so excited. God had put a new song in my heart after I climbed out of the pit, and I was so thankful to be able to be part of the group that prompts others to worship our amazing God. When God works in your heart like He has in mine, you can't help but want to share it in a meaningful way...music is my avenue of sharing that.
The past few times I've sung, I've noticed more pain. And today it got worse. I ended up having to leave the service after we sang to ice it.
You might be thinking "so what?". But this is very hard for me. I feel like I just got my song back, and now it's possibly being taken away from me again? How long until this dumb jaw of mine is normal again? When will I be able to eat the foods I enjoy, be able to talk normally without an appliance altering my speech, be able to give volume to my speech without added pain?
I've tried so hard to be patient in all of this...but now I'm scared. I do not want to lose my song. I know I can't really LOSE it, but I need to be able to express myself in this way. Sometimes, cranking up the stereo/ipod/etc and singing at the top of my lungs is the only way to do that...fully express the emotion in my heart. I want so badly to know how long this will take. I know God will teach me something through this, but honestly, I'm tired of being taught! :)

3 comments:

Brandi said...

Hang in there friend. Now I have a new way to pray. He will give you the desires of your heart! (and have you thought about going ahead with surgery? Is that an option now?)

Lori said...

Sorry you're going through all of this, I actually had the surgery and while it took a few months to get healed up and back to "normal", I'm so glad I did it and no longer have to deal with the discomfort and constant flare-ups. The liquid diet was great for my waistline, unfortunately who needs that kind of help as a teenager?? Should've waited for the surgery til I needed the liquid diet LOL;)

Cheryl Elmer said...

So sorry Amanda. I will try to keep you in prayer. Reminders always help. So feel free to update us!
Love you.
Cheryl